A New Journey

**************************************************************************** Smarthinkings E-structor Response Form (Your marked-up essay is below this form.) HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has pen overview comments astir(predicate) your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also introduce comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinkings OWL; better(p) wishes with revising your paper! *Strengths of the essay: Hello, Ashanti! Welcome to Smarthinking. Im Luke R, and I will be your e-structor for this essay. I very a good deal enjoyed reading your essay about your choice to go to college and the render you made to be a counseling from your mother. I really care how your conclusion summarized the important parts of the essay and told us what to remember. give thanks for sharing, and nice work! *Ashanti 5011817 has requested that you respond to the Main humor/Thesis: Lets take a panorama at your main intellect, Ashanti: They say you will never sock what you have until its gone; I never impression that day would come until August 11, 2012. The day I had to leave alone my mom, also known as my best friend. A thesis or main idea should control the information that follows in the essay. True, this essay is about leaving your mother, but it seems to be about something more.

The anticipate you made to your grandmother, for one thing, is important to your decision to go to college. This essay also seems to be about how you are relations with the absence of your hometown, and how you are pursuing your dreams. Perhaps this main idea needs to get a little bit broader. back tooth you come up with a sentence that includes these other things? judicature: Perhaps you should move the discussion about your grandmother and the promise to an earlier location in your essay. I had some release wrapping my mind around why you would leave your home. The way you described it made me feel like you would never destiny to leave unless there was a really big reason, and it... If you unavoidableness to get a full essay, order it on our website: Orderessay

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